I had this theory when I was 15 that there are 3 main pillars to creating happiness in life. And, looking back, I think it’s been true for me all this time.
You might know this about me already, but in the past 6 years I lived in 6 countries. It was for different periods of time, but I moved around a lot.
And every time I would move to a completely new place, there were a lot of factors around me that would change, naturally.
So from where I lived, to what language I had to (try to) speak, even to eating habits and what I would prefer to have for breakfast.
This last one was one of the most noticeable changes, actually. In each new place I would fancy a different kind of breakfast. So in Spain I had scrambled eggs and freshly squeezed orange juice almost every day, in Austria I went through a phase of ‘full English breakfast’, while in Germany I wouldn’t want anything but dark bread with Nutella.
Maybe there is some logical explanation for this, but my money is on new environments informing new habits. I would do the best I could with what I could find in the closest proximity.
But how does that relate to your happiness and your happy home?
I’ll tell you how.
The ‘3 pillars of creating happiness’ theory includes:
1. your home,
2. how you feel about yourself,
3. your relationship(s).
Let me explain.
YOUR SAFE SPACE IN THIS WORLD
Your home can either nurture you, be your safe space in this world, your sanctuary to which you come back after work and cannot wait to unwind. It’s not just about colour of the walls. It’s about your accepted level of tidiness and cleanliness, it’s about (truly!) shared responsibility for house chores, it’s about having a space for yourself when you need it. It’s about the food, the activities, the smells, as well as visuals and textures. It’s all a part of our home’s atmosphere. It’s about creating happiness, ultimately.
SELF LOVE & CAREER
Then how you feel about yourself is usually somewhere between these two:
-> You can have an attitude full of of self-care and healthy dose of self-love and full acceptance of who you are. It’s about doing what you want to be doing (think: work, lifestyle etc.) or step by step going in that direction. It’s about not feeling guilty for wanting more and not conforming to where others want to see you.
-> OR you can feel stuck where you are but feel afraid to even admit it to yourself. You can look in the mirror and not be happy with yourself: whether it’s the muffin top or the unruly hair. It’s that state where the voice in your head is not helping and you’re constantly saying to yourself all those bad things you deep down fear are true. Not so helpful in creating happiness.
LOVE & FAMILY & FRIENDS
And finally your relationship(s). The very intimate one where you can share your worst nightmare and your worst self fear. As well as family relationships, or close friends relationships. Depending on your circumstances and your personal preference, one might be more important than the other and you might have your own blend of needs (do you feel like you don’t need as much friends’ time as you used to? or the reverse, you’d like to incorporate more of it into your calendar?). Just be honest with yourself about what it is that YOU need. We’re all different, but we all need relationships of some kind.
IS YOUR HAPPINESS STANDING STRONG?
I believe that we need at least two of those three pillars to be strong and healthy to be able to truly feel happy. If you imagine happiness as a triangle supported by three legs, if one of them is broken – happiness will still be able to stand. Might be on a shaky ground, but it’s there. But in creating happiness you need at least two legs, two pillars that support you.
And have you noticed how intertwined these three pillars are, in creating happiness for yourself?
It’s hard to let yourself be loved if you don’t truly love yourself. It’s difficult to know what your mission in this world is if you have no safe space where you can stop and reflect. And if you have noone to talk to about it. They are 3 pillars, but in reality the amount of connections between them is massive.
In the comments below tell me, which of the three pillars do you need to work on? And what one thing will you do today to start this process? It would really mean a lot to me to hear your thoughts on that.
With lots of gratitude,